Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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