my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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