yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
