I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
