I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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