i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
