you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
