You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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