he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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