normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
