I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
