I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
