I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
there is glitter all over my balls
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