Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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