I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
