Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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