Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
