Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
