drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
