the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
