I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
