I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
