I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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