I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
