Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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