my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
