Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
