Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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