yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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