The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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