I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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