so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
