Will you blow on my dice?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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