I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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