woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
