i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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