I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
