please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
