Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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