So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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