there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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