I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
