Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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