I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
