He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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