He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
