So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
