You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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