it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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