And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
