Fuck appropriateness.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
